Oh these times are hard and there making me crazy.

Someone found this blog today by typing “Dog Porno” into google and then clicking on the result that was this. God. What is wrong with me, what is my life becoming, and when the hell did i write about Dog Porno??! I was involved in a slight show of affection from a perverted dog the other day though, but why is this following me around my entire life, and when do the barriers come in? What if i get rejected from a job (ironically i applied to work at an adopt a pet charity just yesterday) because i know someone who saw someone wank off a dog?! What if i try to go in a zoo one day and turned away at the door because the dog spunk dripping from my mouth might turn some of the animals on?! Not that i have ever sucked off a dog, it was probably mayo. Probably.

But continuing with the crude theme, i HEARD if you fist someone deep enough and slow like, you can move your arm right up their body and touch their heart. Apparently it is the most sexy thing you can do for someone.

…. PERSONALY, i do not get it. Or really quite believe it. But saying that, i don’t really believe in Formicophilia, which is when someone gets turned on my having insects crawling over their sexy organs. Who the fuck would like that?? I get nervous if someone says Spider, or the thought of a spider crawls into my head, and lays its little eggs of thoughts about legs and hairs and hundreds of eyes. I feel sick.

I also really don’t like the thought of Inflatophilia; being attracted to inflatable toys. Of course people think inflatable woman from Anne Summers, but i bet that’s the least common, i bet its like, inflatable lilos for the pool that get it up the arse, or an inflatable hammer from the fair. Or worse, when Tor and i went to the zoo once we got an inflatable giraffe. OH GOD. I did always wonder why the expression on his face was aways of sorrow.

Of course there is more Robot sex, (mostly with computers), sniffing school girl panties, (so common in Japan they have vending machines that sell used ones) and the scariest of all, Plushophilia, wanting to shag stuffed toys. I bet there is a Toy Story film when Andy has his sexy way with Woody, and his “Woody” and then when they come to life it turns out Hamm the pig is dead because Andy spent all his pocket money on porn and fill Hamm up with his “Ham” and SPUNK.

God.

Right that’s all. I am going because my dear Kat is picking me up in 40 minutes and i am sat here in my pajamas listening to The Saturdays like a knob. I do love The Saturdays, i must admit. I have said it before, but i don’t like Frankie anymore because she is, just awful, like Mollie now. I want her hair, even though i cannot pull off Blonde, i want it, on like a blow up doll or something….. mmmmmm.